Hatred and Heart ache

Do I hate anyone? No I do not think so. My heart is too precious for any ill feelings and heart ache.

For that I owe to my father. He is a man of good intent and at peace with himself. When he was 70 he was hit by a passing car. For days he was bedridden. I thought he would not survive.  When people asked about his well being his answer was so loaded with being him and sum up his philosophical being.

My body ached but my heart does not ache. That was his response.

I know there are people out there who hate the gut out of me. It is great to be popular, but I do not need to be popular to survive and thrive. Relationships are precious. I will do many things to build bridges but we learn that bridges are not necessarily good. With them you are bubbles in isolation or at most part of a foam system.

Of course with the people you love, you will do anything to maintain and develop that loving and caring relationship. You tolerate, compromise, attract, please, sacrifice, indulge and do stupid things just to maintain and develop that relationship.

With my parents, it is all about love.

Someone I just met gave an apt term for relationship management. He called it boundary management.

My relationship with my children is rather unique totally in contrast to my relationship with my parents.

I see them as responsibilities not a love or favor bank. I will do my level best to give them good education and a reasonable upbringing. Up to the age of 21, thereabout.  After that it is a relationship among equals. Hopefully by then, I will not owe them anything, neither will they owe me anything.

So if your child tells you that he hates you, it is his problem not yours, if he is over 21. He just has to find peace with himself. When he is 21, as with all relationship, he has to be responsible and accountable, for his thoughts, actions and be prepared for consequences.

You may call it arrogance and selfishness, I call it confidence and prudence.


6 Responses to Hatred and Heart ache

  1. hafidzah says:

    dear dad, your son is only 20 this year. is he throwing tantrum? i hope you’re having a great time. bring him home :)

  2. norman says:

    im 19 and im not going home

  3. mooke says:

    muahahahahha lawak seh!!!

  4. mooke says:

    3 more months to being 20 you scheming brat

  5. pezze says:

    Hate is a powerful emotion. I know, I feel hatred at some points in my life. What I’m able to do is istifar banyak-banyak as I know it’s a very negative emotion. Thus, I’m able to cool down quickly.

    I agree with you on responsibility. But, I would like to add that to me a child is a treasure. Not treasured possession. A treasure.

    And I so much agree on the age 21.

  6. inspigoblog says:

    tq pezze. sometimes it is emotional blackmail. It could also be due to hormonal change or stress or purely a growing up process. In all the above the parents are usually victims and subject to boundry testing and trials. Good parents are supposed to be wise enough to recognize the symptoms and probabale cause.
    Not to worry it is better for them to make mistakes when they are young and still under your care than to do it later in thier life.
    It is comforting to know that the young cockerel is focussed in getting his “wings”. In the mean time the old cock will be what he wants to be.

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