I am the religious rebel. I always question, why I should go for the umra or Haj, which to many muslims is a once in a lifetime mandatory ritual.
My mother has always been the one nagging, pushing, blackmailing, me to do the Umrah, but the stubborn son that i am, she failed. I told her that I have to find my own reason. My source is only the Book and Him. I shut off from intermediaries for fear of being misled. It must be His calling, period.
So when i told her that i have booked myself to do the Umrah, she did not belive me.
That is the whole idea. My intent was purely for Him, not because of someone is telling me, influencing me, or pressing me.
The Book was my main source of guidance. I read, and read, and read the various entries or ayat on Abraham, the masjidil haram, hajj, umrah, safa, marwah, hadia, forbidden months, convenants.
I must fulfill the convenant. I must see His symbols and signs.
I read this book on the pilgrimage giving the various versions of rituals according to the many sect. I do not belong to any sect, I am going to do it according to the ritual that i feel right. I threw away the Umra guide because i thought there were just too many Dua’, too many things you are asking from Him. I wanted to do it because i need to.
I made up my mind that i must fulfill my convenant with God. I made up my mind that I need to fulfill this calling.
It was going to be me and Him. I am going alone without any distraction. I will shut off from the world , i will devote myself to Him and this calling in the 10 days.
I also set upon myself that I shall re-read the Book, the whole 30 chapters and understand it, in the 10 days.
It was going to be me and Him.